A guide for mentees: Ask, Listen, Decide
How to get honest input and turn it into progress.
What this guide covers
What this guide covers
What this guide covers
Why we avoid asking
Asking feels risky, so we skip it
People weigh three motives: reaching a goal, protecting their ego and their image.
- Reach my goal pushes you to ask
- Protect my ego holds you back
- Protect my image holds you back
Asking or guessing
Ask instead of reading the room
Asking directly and watching others are different tactics, and one cannot replace the other.
- Asking you hear what they think
- Watching you guess what they think
A good relationship helps
Trust makes asking easier
People seek more feedback in good relationships and when they aim to learn.
- A trusted mentor
- A goal to learn, not to look good
Advice, not feedback
Ask for advice, not feedback
Asking what to do next time brought more concrete and useful input.
One specific question
Ask about one thing
Name the task and the moment, so the answer can be specific too.
- Any feedback for me? Too wide: you get “all good”.
- What would you change in my opening next time? One moment, one change.
Hearing it
Listen first, explain later
Take notes, ask one question to clarify, and say thank you.
- Write it down their words, not yours
- Ask one question “Can you give an example?”
- Say thank you even if it stings
Deciding
You decide what to use
Over a third of feedback effects lowered performance, so weigh each point.
Reporting back
Tell them what you did
Report what you tried and what happened, even when you chose not to follow it.
- Ask
- Try
- Notice
- Report back
Mentornity in Claude
Use Mentornity from Claude
Ask in your own words; Claude finds meetings, opens your hours and drafts your messages.
Connect it once
Add Mentornity in Claude or another MCP assistant, then sign in.
Ask in your own words
Find a slot, move a meeting, read profiles, fill in forms.
A preview before every change
Claude shows what will happen; nothing changes until you say yes.
Disconnect any time
Claude sees only what you see; Settings shows what it did recently.
Connect it once
Add Mentornity in Claude or another MCP assistant, then sign in.
Ask in your own words
Find a slot, move a meeting, read profiles, fill in forms.
A preview before every change
Claude shows what will happen; nothing changes until you say yes.
Disconnect any time
Claude sees only what you see; Settings shows what it did recently.
Sources
The research behind this presentation
- Ashford, S. J., Blatt, R. & VandeWalle, D. (2003) Reflections on the looking glass: A review of research on feedback-seeking behavior in organizations Journal of Management, 29(6), 773-799
- Anseel, F., Beatty, A. S., Shen, W., Lievens, F. & Sackett, P. R. (2015) How are we doing after 30 years? A meta-analytic review of the antecedents and outcomes of feedback-seeking behavior Journal of Management, 41(1), 318-348
- Blunden, H., Kristal, A. S., Whillans, A. V., Yoon, J., Burd, H., Bremner, J. & Yeomans, M. (2026) Eliciting advice instead of feedback improves developmental input Management Science, 72(3), 2247-2266
- Kluger, A. N. & DeNisi, A. (1996) The effects of feedback interventions on performance: A historical review, a meta-analysis, and a preliminary feedback intervention theory Psychological Bulletin, 119(2), 254-284
Ask one person for advice this week
Pick one task, ask what they would change next time, and report back.