When Pairs Struggle, and Closing Well When Pairs Struggle, and Closing Well
What to do when a mentoring pair struggles, and how to end it well.
What this presentation covers
What this presentation covers
What this presentation covers
How often pairs go wrong
Expect some pairs to go wrong
Over half of the protégés in one study had a negative mentoring relationship.
What goes wrong most
A poor match leads the list
Protégés’ accounts fell into five themes, led by a mismatch in the pair.
- Mismatch in the pair 4646
- Mentor keeps a distance 4141
- Manipulation 3939
- Lacks expertise 2929
- General dysfunction 1313
Formal pairs feel it more
Bad formal pairs cost more
In formal pairs, the worst experience weighed more on stress and intent to leave.
- Distance and manipulation the mentor withdraws or misuses power
- Poor fit values or work styles clash
Why matches end early
Six reasons matches end early
Interviews with 31 people in matches that ended early found six causes.
- One side drops out
- The mentee seems unmotivated
- Expectations not met
- The mentor lacks relational skills
- Family gets in the way
- Too little program support
Check in during month one
Check in often in month one
MENTOR sets contact twice in the first month, then once a month.
- Week two first check-in
- Week four second check-in
- Every month after the same questions
- Review each match continue or close?
A no-fault exit
Offer a way out without blame
Let either side leave without blame, so problems come up early.
- Is it my fault? Fit belongs to the pair, not to one person.
- Who tells the other side? The coordinator speaks to both.
- What happens next? A closing talk, then a choice.
Rematching with care
Rematch with care, not by reflex
In a study of 1,139 pupils, rematched pupils showed negative academic impacts.
- Match lasted the year academic gains
- Ended early no impact
- Rematched negative impacts
Closure procedures
Write the closure rules in advance
MENTOR asks for procedures for planned, unplanned and one-sided endings.
- Planned ending a procedure
- Unplanned ending a procedure
- One side will not take part a procedure
- Exit interview with both sides
- Rematching a written policy
- Records each step documented
The closing conversation
Cover the same points with each side
Talk through feelings, reasons, good moments and contact after the end.
- How they feel about the ending
- Why it ends, if relevant
- What went well
- Rules for contact afterwards
- A plan for the last meeting
- A new match, if relevant
Making the goodbye happen
Make sure the goodbye takes place
In 48 ended pairs, some planned goodbyes never took place.
- Program ended it no goodbye between them
- Goodbye planned but it never happened
- Goodbye planned and held the ending you plan for
Sources
The research behind this presentation
- Eby, L. T., McManus, S. E., Simon, S. A. & Russell, J. E. A. (2000) The protégé’s perspective regarding negative mentoring experiences: The development of a taxonomy Journal of Vocational Behavior, 57(1), 1-21
- Eby, L. T. & Allen, T. D. (2002) Further investigation of protégés’ negative mentoring experiences: Patterns and outcomes Group & Organization Management, 27(4), 456-479
- Spencer, R. (2007) “It’s not what I expected”: A qualitative study of youth mentoring relationship failures Journal of Adolescent Research, 22(4), 331-354
- Grossman, J. B., Chan, C. S., Schwartz, S. E. O. & Rhodes, J. E. (2012) The test of time in school-based mentoring: The role of relationship duration and re-matching on academic outcomes American Journal of Community Psychology, 49(1-2), 43-54
- Spencer, R., Basualdo-Delmonico, A., Walsh, J. & Drew, A. L. (2017) Breaking up is hard to do: A qualitative interview study of how and why youth mentoring relationships end Youth & Society, 49(4), 438-460
- MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership (2015) Elements of Effective Practice for Mentoring, Fourth Edition MENTOR, Boston
Plan for endings from the start
A clear exit and a closing talk protect both people.